Amazon recommends…

Hi Bert, this is the Amazon Recommendation Selection Engine or A.R.S.E. Today we would like to recommend :

  1. Things you have already bought from us because you can never be too careful or have too much stuff.
  2. Things that are almost identical to things you have already bought from us because, God knows, once you bought a second one of the thing you already bought a third slightly different one will be hard to resist.
  3. Things you have already bought as gifts for other people and that were obviously gifts because they were completely outside of your known buying patterns.
  4. Things that are almost identical to things you already bought as gifts for other people just in case they need two of everything too.
  5. Things that you looked at accidentally or only because someone sent you a link entitled “LOL! Look at this ridiculous, furry, raccoon-head ski helmet“.
  6. Things that are similar to ridiculous, furry, raccoon-head ski helmets but probably a lot less LOL.
  7. 1 item that is completely inexplicable.

Basically I think that the A.R.S.E is an algorithm modelled on the Junk Lady from the film Labyrinth.

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Feeling the pinch

My broadband is getting worse and worse. When I moved into this house 5 years ago I got 4 mbps from an 8 mbps service because I am 1962 metres from my exchange. I’m pretty sure I haven’t got any further from my exchange in the last few  years but I just ran some speed tests and they make depressing reading. Basically, my Vodafone 3G is now faster than my broadband.

5 years ago I was with Bulldog. Bulldog got bought by Pipex who got bought by Tiscali who I think have now been acquired by TalkTalk or something. Either way I’m getting the shitty end of this market consolidation stick. Last time I complained they actually admitted that as part of one of the mergers I was downgraded from ADSL2+ to regular ADSL as part of an “exchange modernisation programme”. Now I’m just waiting for them to deliver my penny-farthing and take my car away as part of a “transport modernisation programme".

Here’s the news :

Network Download (mbps) Upload (mbps)
Broadband 1.45 0.42
O2 PAYG 3G 0.78 0.48
Vodafone Contract 3G 2.02 1.26

Even crappy O2 pay-as-you-go internet beats my broadband for upload speed 😦

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